Whisper #3When Fire Meets Heart
June 4, 2025 | Safwen Daghsen, 10 min read
My dear reader,
Last week we walked through the fire that consumes you.
The goals and dreams that turn into a living hell wrapped in the illusion of achievement.
The mental justification that you’re on your path. That there is no other choice but to be consumed by fire.
This week’s whisper carries an invitation to dive inside.
And diving inside requires courage to open doors, and honesty to face the shadows lurking behind them.
Not to fight them.
Not to escape them.
But rather to know at heart that these shadows are your old protectors, they helped carry you through roads you never thought you could walk.
But there comes a time for the warrior to drop his sword.
For the hero to stop abandoning himself, and realize that saving the world requires saving oneself first.
Even though I have this habit of writing daily, and I’m starting to love writing these whispered letters.
it’s not always smooth. Not always in the right mood or rhythm.
I’d been staring at the screen for the past 20 minutes, sipping my coffee, not knowing whether I wanted to write or not.
60 minutes went by.
My eyebrows met in the middle.
My jaw clenched.
That’s when it hit me.
I'm familiar with this inner corner of my mind. I’ve been here before. And I know its name:
Self-pressure.
I was experiencing writer’s block, and did myself a favor by adding a pinch of pressure on publishing this letter.
So I left the coffee shop. I left writing. Because I never want to entertain self-imposed pressure.
It is never loving to oneself, unless it’s about survival.
A few months ago, when I was planning to launch Whispered Life, I found myself engineering and strategizing everything, but not moving a single step forward.
No execution.
Only planning.
Fantasizing about the plan.
Fully mentally masturbating on what this may turn into.
Until the day I decided to paint my apartment all by myself.
Theoretically, painting is meditative, artistic, fun.
The idea was to blast music and paint the walls.
I estimated 3 days. It took a month.
I cried every day.
Realizing that now, I wanted to do the tasks I was avoiding for months.
The mind has its incredible way of trapping you then screaming to be freed.
Painting the fucking walls was the only way to wrap it up.
The first day, I felt stuck. Unproductive. And the only way through was to do the most unproductive task:
Paint the damn walls.
The frustration was real. And the realization was sharper:
I’d fallen into the trap of fake productivity.
The lie that as long as I’m busy, I’m productive.
And if I’m productive, I’m on the way to my goals.
That was the same highway that led me to burnout as an engineer.
Here’s what hit me while scraping paint off my hands:
What if self-pressure is just my way of avoiding the real question?
What if every goal I chase is really just me trying to earn my own love?
My dear reader, take a breath and allow me to drop a little inquiry into your mind, one I hope goes deep into your heart:
If you had to choose waking up tomorrow with all of your goals achieved or waking up tomorrow loving yourself fully, unapologetically.
which one would you pick?
Choosing an answer may feel like an impossible choice, I know.
In chess , they call it Zugzwang : When every move available feels wrong, when the wisest strategy is to not move at all.
When the most viable move is not to move.
But sometimes, my dear reader, the impossible choice is the only choice that sets you free.
Keep that question in the back of your head for now.
But know this : your answer reveals everything about why you chase what you chase.
Why Your Goals Might Be Stealing Your Love
This question isn’t philosophical decoration. It’s a scalpel that cuts straight to the wound:
The belief that we must earn our worth through achievement.
Remember the boy who burned himself applying for 10,374 job listings, burned himself working day and night, thinking he needed to do more so he could feel worthy and maybe then… love himself.
After leaving engineering, I received offers from top tech companies. Generous ones. Money that would end all financial worries.
High prestigious roles with perks and titles. Maybe a year ago, I would've seen it as one of my greatest achievements.
I turned them all down.
Not out of arrogance.
Not out of fear.
But out of love.
Because I’ve learned to listen to the heart, to know when I’m trying to prove something, and when I’m simply trying to express who I truly am.
Getting back to what we left in the back of your head.
There are only three possible answers to that question.
Only one is correct.
Answer 1: You choose your goals.
Because reaching them will make you feel fulfilled, and that will lead to loving yourself.
Logical, linear and makes sense right?
But that’s the fallacy.
You’ve already put a condition on your ability to love yourself.
"If I reach my goal, I can then love myself"
“If I don’t reach my goal, I cannot love myself.”
If that’s your answer, ask:
What’s the goal behind the external goal?
Is it really yours?
Or is it inherited from distorted beliefs, societal constructs, mental prisons?
Maybe you feel it’s selfish to love yourself.
Maybe you’re so stuck in your head, chasing the external world, you’ve forgotten to look inside.
Answer 2: You feel torn between both answers.
And that’s okay. It only means you’re in a liminal space.
Your heart knows the answer. You just need a little push.
When I first started questioning my own goals, the resistance was fierce.
Jaw clenched.
Stomach knotted.
Breath shallow.
I told myself:
“But this is practical.”
“But this is responsible.”
“But this is what successful people do.”
But the body doesn’t lie.
It speaks in tension.
In shortened breath.
In the ache in your hips.
Where you store the weight of carrying what isn’t yours.
Answer 3: You choose self-love.
And that, my dear reader, is the only right answer.
What is the external world but a projection of your inner one?
What are your goals but an embodiment of your soul’s truth?
Some goals are tough. Not all are sweet.
But are they stepping stones?
Or detours from your worth?
Remember that boy from Africa?
He thought validation would prove his value.
But when the success came, the void remained.
He had been filling space
Instead of shining light.
Here’s what I discovered when I truly tried to love myself unconditionally.
The biggest lie of the world:
It’s not that simple.
The world will have you believe that it 's not that simple, until you believe that everything needs to be earned, you need to work hard to earn your money, you need to burn to prove your worth, that everyone is fighting to earn their place under the sun not knowing that once they loosen their grip from that fight, from shouting at the world asking to be seen so you can feel you 're worth something.
But here 's what most people get wrong about self-love.
They think it means only embracing the pretty parts.
Loving the lovable parts is easy.
But can you sit with what you hate about yourself—without trying to fix it?
Can you call out your darkness and not turn away?
Can you face the parts of yourself you 've been avoiding—and let them stay?
Don 't call it self-love if the world gets all of you, but you don 't.
I wouldn 't say it was an easy task, but rather you can save yourself time just by stopping and looking inside, asking the right questions and daring to see your own distortion.
How to Tell If Your Goals Are Yours
Most people chase goals that aren’t theirs.
They’re just sophisticated ways to avoid feeling unworthy.
But there’s a way to tell the difference. A compass that always points toward your truth.
Inner work isn’t easy. but it’s the most loving act you can offer yourself.
Step 1: The Ultimatum Test
If forced to choose between your goals and loving yourself.
if you knew that you will never achieve that one goal.
Where do you feel resistance?
That resistance is gold.
It might show up in mental justifications.
In your breath.
In your body, jaw, stomach, hips.
Anxiety may rise, even panic.
Instead of seeing anxiety as an enemy, can you see it as guidance?
A cue that something is misaligned.
That something in you, wants to speak up.
Step 2: The Void vs. Light Question
Ask yourself:
What am I trying to fill, and what am I trying to express?
Void-filling goals leave you emptier the closer you get.
Light-shining goals nourish you in the pursuit itself.
When I turned down those engineering offers, I could feel the difference in my body.
The void-filling choice made my chest tight.
The light-shining choice, though uncertain made me breathe deeper.
Stand taller.
Step 3: The Permission Audit
Ask:
Do I need this goal to give myself permission to love myself?
If yes. you’ve handed your power away.
Practice this instead:
What if I loved myself now, with nothing changed?
Feel the resistance. That’s where your inner work lives.
Step 4: The Sacred Selfishness Check
Does choosing yourself feel selfish?
That’s your sign.
You’ve been abandoning yourself too long.
This isn’t about quitting your job on impulse,
you’re responsible for your life.
But if you’re stuck, start by asking better questions. Work less if you’re overworking.
Create small spaces that reflect who you are. Make a plan that reflects love, not pressure.
And if you do quit your job, congratulations. Don’t blame me though.
My dear reader, this inquiry isn’t meant to make you abandon your goals.
It’s meant to help you reclaim them.
When your goals become expressions of self-love, the pressure lifts.
The anxiety softens.
The work becomes play.
You still grow.
Still give.
Still create.
But from fullness, not lack. From love, not fear.
And the goals that no longer fit? The ones born from wounds and “shoulds”?
You let them go. Grateful for the protection they once offered.
Because now, you have something better:
Yourself.
And maybe that’s what the fire was for all along, to burn what isn’t you, so what is, can finally rise and shine.
Next time, the whisper will be about the sacred act of being selfish enough to love yourself and why the world desperately needs you to choose yourself first.
Until then, sit with the question.
Let it simmer. Let it sting a little.
Because sometimes the most loving thing you can do is ask yourself the questions you’ve been avoiding.
And breathe, my dear reader, breathe for it's a blessing to be alive and breathing.
With Love and Stillness
Saf