Stuck In Reverse: Lost In Between You and You
May 30, 2018 | Safwen Daghsen, 4 min read
Written after over 140 days of roaming — this piece captures the sacred turbulence of losing old selves while traveling. It marks a crossing point between the known and the becoming._
I don’t like publishing articles and this one, in particular, was supposed to die inside but anyway here we go.
It is said that travelling opens up your eyes and gives you a wide perspective. I personally was overwhelmed by the greatness of the world the very first minutes I stepped in India. I knew that it was “India”! That the world was great and vast but boy oh boy you will never realize it until you see it by your own eyes and it doesn't matter what land it is you will be overwhelmed!
With every city every town and every local and backpacker, something in you moves with every experience you kill yourself just to be born again. In general, through our lives, we die and get born again and again without even knowing. Another way of saying it is that experiences shape us but travelling is the catalyzer for dying and getting born again...
There surely are no words to describe it putting it into words will only undermine its true meaning.
I m only writing because of the overflowing urge to scream it out and share it with someone. And I wish I can invite people inside my head or heart to see those moments of real joy I can write them down but they will sound like a bucket list.
The true joy won't come from the experience but from the awareness of being inside the experience. Just like lucid dreaming when you’re aware you’re dreaming you start being amazed.
That awareness is the key of all joyful moments if you keep that you can be totally in the now but surely it’s no easy task...
- The moment you pop up on a surfboard catching a wave. - The moment you start cantering on a horse. - The moment you’re aware you re in a foreign land and nobody knows you. - The moment you realize that you’re hanging out with people from all 5 continents.
If you’re aware you will be smiling on your own with no reason that’s JOY!
Awareness that you’re carrying all the journey within you is THE ULTIMATE JOY all your experiences compiled in one single thought that will make you smile stupidly.
In travelling, you die and get born again through these moments. You shed your skin over and over. For me, I’ve shed more skin than I’ve expected. My onion’s layers have been taken down one by one to the point where I lost track of who I am ___even friends and family cannot relate to what I’m am talking about now — -to the point where I don't remember why I’m on this road, to the point where my past cannot be used as a reference for my future.
I simply lost my plot
.
You are not your thoughts You are not your ambitions You are not your goals You are not your dreams You are not what you own You are not your failures You are not your emotions You are not your job
They sound like cool negations until you scream: What The Fuck Am I ?
Finding your essence, your core is one of the most itching searches in one’s life. Of course, it can be bullshit for others who don’t even care about the search but it’s been said that touching a glimpse of that opens doors to inner peace enlightenment the divinity within us human beings.
I am becoming a stranger, more lost than ever stepping into the endless land of a different me .. In travelling most are seeking themselves yet today I’m losing it.. Stuck in reverse, between an incomplete version rendered by the journey of the traveller and an old me who’s longing for the old life yet he cannot revert back.
I have the choice to panic about it and I did but panicking ain’t taking me anywhere so I’m TRYING to embrace it enjoy it, after all, I can be anyone now Uppercasing trying because you may read this and see me as the guru who got it all figured out. It is true I have been called Buddha, Jesus, Wise Monkey but believe me my moments of doubts go beyond this article and it’s fine to be lost to not know WTF are you doing or where are you going...
DONE (For Now)
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